


Detox

by RedMoon616



Series: Matt & Mackenzie's Most Memorable Moments [8]
Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blow Jobs, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Dirty Talk, Domestic Bliss, Established Relationship, Explicit Language, Fluff and Smut, Kitchen Sex, M/M, Post-Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:13:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26222431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedMoon616/pseuds/RedMoon616
Summary: Matt and Mackenzie have had their up and downs during the course of their relationship. But even after surpassing every obstacle they came across, the latest bump in the road will make them start to evaluate each other and themselves. Will they be able to make amends or will they get sidetracked before they can come to an understanding?Eighth part of a series of short stories contemplating the sometimes usual, but mostly unusual, life of Matt & Mackenzie. A continuation (kinda) of Daring the Devil.
Relationships: Matt Murdock/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Matt & Mackenzie's Most Memorable Moments [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1607302
Kudos: 3





	Detox

**Author's Note:**

> This is the eighth part of a series that focuses on the everyday life of Murdock and his girlfriend Mackenzie, and how has their relationship evolved after the events of Daring the Devil (which I recommend you check out first if you haven't, to have some context and back story). Hope you enjoy!

In case you’re wondering, I still feel like shit. Yes, less so than the day after I went to the hospital –where I actually ran into Claire, by the way– to get patched up after the police arrived at the crime scene. But I’m still healing and in somewhat manageable pain. Don’t need them painkillers anymore, but I have been staying mostly at home ever since. And at this point, it isn’t even by the doctor’s recommendation, but rather Murdock’s insistence. He has been keeping from patrolling at night and even from most of my work at the firm. All I can do is try my best to not go insane from the sheer boredom of being locked inside every day.

It reminds me of the aftermath of the interrogation I went through that time when I ran away, but somehow, this seems worse. I don’t even know how that can be, since my injuries back then were more severe than they are now. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t used to such adrenaline highs at that time. Nowadays, after all the things I’ve done and went through on my own and alongside Murdock, it’s understandable to think that it’s harder to stand still and wait until full recovery. At least I don’t live alone, then it would be a fucking nightmare to survive by staying put.

Now, regarding my ample collection of wounds obtained while under the “care” of that fucked-up monster, most healed fine but I still have a few left that are quite annoying. The two things that healed the fastest were all the shallow cuts that I got on different parts of my body, along with the cut on my temple. Next, taking a couple of weeks to mend completely, were my bruises, busted lip, burns, and the tiny stab wounds he made with the tip of his sharp knife. Although, out of all of those, the worst ones –at least in appearance– were the two black eyes I sported for more than a week. I looked like a fucking raccoon, so I was guiltily thankful that Matt’s blind, ‘cause I definitely didn’t want him to see me like _that_.

The last thing that healed fully was my broken nose, which took almost a month (or that’s how long it felt like). It really sucked since it made breathing hella difficult, but I pulled through. Thanks for your concern. On the other hand, I’m still waiting for the worst damage to heal. My broken fingers, which luckily ended up being only two, will still take another month to be mended. And even after that, it’ll take longer for them to work accordingly. Yet, what pisses me off the most, just because of how long it will fucking take to be over with, are the pulled out nails. They’re going to take five more months to be fully grown! I can’t believe it, who knew they took so long? Whatever, I just want to be able to go out fighting crime again. I’ll do it with missing nails, I don’t care.

Anyway, staying home, resting plenty, and meditating as much as possible has helped the most. At first, I sustained a few setbacks because I refused to just either lie or sit down without doing anything productive. It wasn’t anything big, it’s just that I decided to keep exercising and training while Murdock went out. He didn’t do it as often as before, so I took as much advantage as possible of the moments whenever he was gone.

When he found out, he gave me a long lecture about injuring myself further for not waiting until being properly healed to perform those kinds of activities. He later relented after I drove him crazy with my incessant talking. I explained that without a task to focus on and the physical exertion of doing it, I was quite hyperactive and wanted to chat about anything, even if it was just to myself. That got him helping me to carefully train as much as I could within the limits of my condition. Absolutely worth it. I wasn’t gonna let all my hard work go to waste just because of a few injuries. Gotta keep in shape, you know?

Speaking of staying in shape, Matt looks particularly tantalizing this morning. Should I give him a “special” wake up? He’s currently lying on his back, right arm thrown over his face (although can’t think why since it’s not like he’s shielding his eyes from the light pouring in) and silk sheets up to his navel. The rest of his body is completely uncovered, displaying his torso in all its glory, muscles and scars alike. It might be obvious, but I’m so thankful that he prefers to sleep shirtless; always such a pleasure. For some reason, this view makes me want to bite him. Not gonna do that, tho. Well, maybe later.

But what I have in mind, for now, is more subtle and gentle. Since Murdock is easily startled and woken up (you know, given his enhanced sensibility and all that), making him a light sleeper on average, I try to move as carefully as possible. The last thing I want right now is to ruin the surprise. So, once I get as close as I can without touching him, I reach out and hover my right hand over his chest. Propping myself up with my left arm, to get a better view of his exposed skin, I begin to lightly trace the long scars left behind by that Nobu ninja guy. At the first contact, Matthew sighs but doesn’t otherwise stir awake whatsoever. Okay, that’s good. Just need to keep it up.

Seeing as I have free reign of his body, for the time being, I take my chances and inch closer still. This’ the moment of truth, my friend. If he stays asleep after this, then I get the green light to go further with my plan. Ever so slowly, I descend my head until my lips connect with his abs. Matt’s response comes in the form of what sounds like content humming, but he remains lying still, deep in his slumber. Great! I can now start my path downwards. Although, lowering his pants enough to get access to his dick will prove to be difficult. Ideally, he wouldn’t wake up until I had him in hand _and_ mouth. Guess we’ll see how far I can get before he regains consciousness.

So far so good. I manage to peel back the sheets without a problem, already eliminating the first barrier. Alright, just two more to go then. By the time I reach the waistband of his sleeping pants, he’s making even more sounds and I start to worry. I don’t want him to wake up before the **big** surprise! I gotta work quickly then, unless I want to get found out way too soon. But fuck, how the hell am I supposed to do this without him waking up? There’s no way I can drag down his pants and underwear with him not noticing. Okay, let’s not panic here. Formulate a plan B and get it in motion before this is all for nothing. The fuck can I do to replace…? Oh, I know. Genius me.

I can’t pull off my original strategy without ruining everything, I realize that now, but it doesn’t mean that I have to completely give up on it. All I need is Murdock’s cooperation before he fully understands what’s happening. If I get a half-asleep Matt to unknowingly assist me, then things will go more smoothly. Also, plan B is pretty simple and it surely will catch my boyfriend’s disconcerted interest fast enough. So, let’s get _down_ to business. With as much carefulness as I employed before, I begin to open-mouth kiss Matt’s cock above his clothing. This will get a reaction out of him for sure, even if it’s just dulled do to the lingering sleep.

That gets me a blend of a groan and a moan as a response, along with an upward thrust of Matt’s hips. I take advantage of this opportunity and quickly pull down his pants and boxers in a swift movement. Obviously, this doesn’t go entirely unnoticed by Murdock, who’s already starting to wake up. Before he becomes fully conscious, I waste no time in getting his dick in my mouth. And the reaction is instant, with his surprised gasp and his eyelids fluttering open. Damn, does he taste good. Nevertheless, I’m gonna take my time with this. Don’t need to rush it like that time at the theater; I can do it for as long as he wants me to (or as long as he can take).

By now, he’s muttering incoherently, clearly still trying to get rid of the last remainders of sleep. He opens his eyes completely and takes a deep breath, only to shut them again and exhale a low moan as I take him in all the way to the base. You stand no chance against me, Murdock. I’ll get you off before you leave this bed. Gotta say, I really enjoy watching him unravel and come undone like this, it just gives me so much pleasure in itself. And as I continue my oral ministrations, he gradually becomes more aware of his surroundings until it finally dawns on him what’s going on. I’m sure he immediately got the part about something pleasurable happening, but it might have taken him a little longer to figure out the rest.

After all, his mind was still clouded by sleep, so it’s understandable that he didn’t grasp the full picture from the get-go. Still, he’s clearly awake by now, if the moaning of my name is any indication. Good morning to you as well, Matthew. Enjoying yourself much? Good, that’s the idea, after all. Of course, I don’t say any of that since, you know, I got a dick in my mouth (which I’m enthusiastically sucking, and thus would make it difficult to understand anything I say; and no, I’m not interested in stopping just to talk). Murdock doesn’t seem to mind anyway, so I just continue with the task at _hand_ –and **mouth** –. Nothing like a happy ending right at the beginning of the day. Healthy breakfast and all of that double entender shit.

Luckily for me, though, I’m not yet too far gone in my concentration to not notice the progressive change in Matt’s behavior. The growth in the loudness of the noises he makes, the presence of his hands on my hair –with his fingers carding through and twisting in my locks of hair–, and the increasing tension of his overall body are the clear signs of one thing. He’s about to come. And from the feel of it, it’s gonna be a mind-blowing one. Great, just what I was aiming for. Now, all there’s left to do is to finish him off.

“Foggy, Foggy, Foggy”. Before I can push Murdock over the edge, into the blissfulness of climax, his cellphone chimes in with the ringtone assigned to Foggy’s contact number. The interruption isn’t surprising nor welcomed since it’s about to ruin our fun. And of course, instead of just making Nelson wait just two more minutes and call again, or leave a voicemail, Matt Murdock decides to pick his darn phone and answer him in the middle of a fucking blowjob. He only does it cause it’s being performed on _him_. If I were the one being given oral, he wouldn’t **dare** to even touch the damned device.

Naturally, I could just continue with what I’m doing, like I did in the theater bathroom, and let his orgasm hit him like a truck in the middle of his conversation with Foggy. But, I have the inkling that it won’t sit well with him to have his call with his best friend and co-worker so “rudely interrupted”. Better safe than sorry, I suppose. As much as I want to please Murdock, I prefer to just remain in his good graces for now. After everything that went down, I don’t want him to get mad at me for something so insignificant. I already have plenty to deal with.

Once Matt manages to grab his phone, after a bit of a struggle to get to it without getting up or dislodging me from his crotch, he finally answers and I pull his dick out of my mouth with an audible “pop” sound. He looks at me with what seems a mixture of gratefulness and disappointment, which I can partly relate to. Still, I don’t move from where I’m lying, waiting for him to end the call so I can get back to work. Although, when I pay a little closer attention to what their talk is about, I realize that this could take a while. Damn it, I was having fun. More importantly, I was so close to making him come! Can’t believe we were both cock-blocked by Foggy. What the hell could be so important at this time in the morning that he couldn’t wait to speak with Matt?

The worst part is that I had big plans for us this morning. I was going to give him a blowjob and then, if he still had the “energy” necessary, I was gonna ride his dick until we both came. I mean, we haven’t tried that position yet, so I was looking forward to doing it. Guess I’ll have to settle for another time then. Hopefully, it’ll be soon enough. Anyway, Murdock seems too engrossed in his call, so I better get productive elsewhere. Time to get breakfast started! At least I’ll be entertained while Matt and Foggy discuss whatever legal issue has come up now. And, who knows? I might get a reward for it afterward.

While I’m starting to prepare some batter for pancakes, a bit of the conversation between Murdock and Nelson carries over to the kitchen. It’s enough to make me figure out that Matt won’t be able to stay for breakfast after all. Whatever happened seems to merit his presence at the office right away. What a bummer, I was hoping we could have a bit of a lazy and romantic morning (with a side of good sex) before he had to leave. Guess I’ll have to change my plans now.

Very well, I better start preparing Matt’s part of breakfast first so he can take it to the office to eat there. That’s one of the things that changed since I moved in. He used to leave some mornings without eating something first since he overslept sometimes after a particularly hard night of patrolling. After I stepped in, I made sure that he would always have something to take over there. I even made extra a few times to appease Foggy and Karen so they wouldn’t berate Matt too harshly for being late. All I have to do is pack in the lunchbox I got him (which he refused at first but ended up using anyway) some fruits and cut pieces of pancake, and then pour coffee into his travel mug. Then he will be set to go and won’t starve until lunch.

I swear to God, he might have eventually died of malnutrition if it weren’t for me making sure he eats. At least, given his training regiment, I don’t have to worry about enforcing on him the habit of a healthy diet. If anything, it’s the other way around. But over the months since I began living here and exercising more regularly, I don’t have those cravings for junk food and sweets that often. Still, can’t give up pancakes, which reminds me… “I’m sorry, Mackenzie, but I have to–”

“I know. Don’t worry, I got it covered. Get dressed and go”, I tell him before he can even start explaining. It’s like this way too often –especially since I have been staying mostly home as of late, recovering from my injuries– for him to have to explain and apologize. Although, I’m not letting him off the hook that easily. “I’m sure you’ll make it up to me anyway sometime later”. I’m not sure if the wink I give him goes unnoticed or not, but I’m certain that the slightly threatening tone of voice I use can be clearly understood.

Thankfully, Murdock gets my meaning and assures me that he will do it, right before he disappears into the bedroom again to get dressed. By the time he comes back out, wearing a shirt, slacks, and shoes, I have ready his breakfast-to-go. He puts on his blazer and tie, before coming over to kiss me goodbye. And while I wish him a good day at work, I adjust his tie a little. He thanks me for making breakfast and tells me he’ll be back as soon as possible. Not even a minute later he’s rushing down the hall to the stairs, leaving me to eat breakfast by myself.

I wish I could say I’m totally okay with this, but to be honest, this is a pattern that has been showing since the serial killer incident. I’m fairly sure that, for the most part, Matt was on board with my surprise blowjob because it was that, a _surprise_. It would be incorrect to say he has been acting cold towards me, but he hasn’t tried to be that intimate either. I knew he would need some time to cope with everything, but it has been a month already. I thought that with me taking the initiative and catching him off guard, we would finally break our streak of no sexual intimacy, but it seems I was wrong.

I want to trust Matthew, but all these mornings, did he really have to run over to the office in such an urgent hurry? He has done as much as he can to work from home, to watch over my recovery. He even used that as a reason (lately more of an excuse) to dismiss my advances, so I can’t be sure that he isn’t just running away from me. I get it, okay? If he doesn’t want to have sex with me because he’s still hurt and upset about me killing the psycho (even when it was to **protect** us, as well as the citizens), that’s understandable.

Even if it were because he’s doubting his love for me, that’s acceptable –although the mere idea makes me want to throw up–. It’s just that I prefer that he would tell me so himself, instead of leaving me to overthink about his dodgy behavior. I at least deserve to know why, don’t you think? I’m not sure how much I can stand being strung along like this. It’s not like we haven’t talked about _**things**_ as of late.

It all started before I began to train again with Matt’s help and supervision, while I was still mostly bedridden and blabbering incessantly out of sheer boredom. But I wasn’t just trying to annoy him so that he would give in and allow me to get back to do some workout, at that time I was attempting to just engage him in conversation. It was supposed to be an innocent question, one that wouldn’t tie into the killer’s case. Unfortunately, that inquiry gave way to a heated and exasperated argument about what happened and what _I_ **did**.

* * *

“Why are you so dead set on not helping people out, like with Frank, Elektra, and Stick?” I have been wondering this for a while now. Considering how eager he usually is about helping out people when the law can’t do anything, it surprises me that he had no problem turning them down when they sought him out. It’s not like he was helping criminals… Well, at least not the same kind that he fights on the regular. Besides, it just takes a little convincing and they abide by his “no killing” rule. Okay, not Stick, but two out of three has to count for something, right?

“It’s not that I didn’t want to help _them_ , it’s just that I didn’t want to put **you** in any danger by getting involved in their schemes”, he replies, sounding so conflicted and sad. I know how he feels. That’s how I felt when he went on his own with Stick. I hate not being allowed to tag along ‘cause then I can’t make sure that he doesn’t get injured. All I can do when he goes out alone is worry and hope that he’ll make it back alive. But I still let him go because I know the importance of it. And I think he can see that when it comes to me, despite how much he doesn’t like it.

“Yeah, I know. It’s just that, because of it, I just feel like sometimes I’m a complete bitch to you”, I confess sheepishly, looking down at my lap. I’m currently sitting on the couch, with Matt in front of me on the floor. He had been meditating for a while until I interrupted him with my question. It’s true, though, I do feel bad quite often about the way I treat him sometimes. Arguing with him, questioning him, disobeying him, pushing him to do things he doesn’t want to –even if it’s for a good reason–. Some of the things I say, and even the ones I _think_ (which I’m sure you are quite familiar with, my friend), are downright mean. I truly don’t know why I do it. I don’t intend to, it just happens. But I really want to get better; to **be** better. For _**him**_.

“Well, I wouldn’t say _that_. But there are times where you draw the line hard”, he concedes with a smirk that almost became a grimace. He seems to be taking it in stride, which I guess it has to do with the fact that he isn’t a saint either. I mean, let’s be real for a second here. I have no problem admitting how awful I can be towards him sometimes, but he has his moments as well, remember? He cheated on me once and he left me to fend on my own against my stepfather. And don’t even get me started on all the times he wanted to stop me from fighting crime. Doesn’t matter if the last one was to protect me, it still wasn’t right to try to interfere with my work like that.

“I know, and I hate that I find myself more often than not siding against you. Like with Elektra and with Stick”, I admit before groaning exasperated. At this, Matt opens his eyes and stares at me, probably reading me in order to figure out if the sound wasn’t actually provoked by pain. Feeling the weight of his gaze, I cover my face with both of my hands. You know, maybe we have some destructive tendencies towards the other, but is it really that bad? Most of the time we do it for the right reasons, or at least the ones we think are right. Doesn’t mean we should break up, right? We can work it out if we just try to resolve our issues and discrepancies in a more empathic way.

“I’m not particularly fond of those situations either, but I understand why you did that. You wanted to push me out of my comfort zone in order to serve the greater good; there’s no flaw in that”, Matt assures me with a contemplative expression. His brows are furrowed and he seems like he wants to twitch his jaw, but he doesn't do it. I just pull the blanket I brought from the bedroom up to my chin, mulling over his words before looking for what to answer. He’s right, I think. Doesn’t sound like it, but sometimes a situation calls for toughness. Sometimes, people need to be pushed more than encouraged. I just wish that wasn’t the case with Matthew.

“I guess so, but it didn’t always work out the way I thought it would. Like that whole ordeal with the Black Sky kid. That was fucked up”. If I were to know that the old man was gonna do that, I would have never told Murdock to help him. Wait, no, better yet, I would have told him to intervene and save the kid’s life. But how could I have known? Stick swore that he wouldn’t kill anyone. And if Matt trusted him, how could I be skeptical when I didn’t really know the other man? Probably that should have been my cue, doubting the sincerity of his plea because I _didn’t_ know him. But in the end, I failed Matt and ended up getting him in more trouble than it was worth it. Hope he isn’t still mad at me for that one big screw up from my part.

“It was, but it would have probably been worse if I haven’t gotten involved, same with the other ones”, he admits, eyebrows raised and lips curling upwards. He looks so cute like that. “I appreciate you for standing up to me and calling me on my shit whenever necessary, so it’s really not that bad”. Wow, I never realized how much I **needed** to hear that. I don’t really care for validation, but him saying that –and while being honest about it–, feels fucking good, actually. Still doesn’t erase how guilty I feel for treating him badly, sometimes, though. Well, can’t have everything. Probably should just try to be gentler when “calling him on his shit”, as he so eloquently put.

“Thanks, I guess”, I answer somewhat unconvinced, still feeling awful about the whole thing. “I hate it too, but I think it needs to be done sometimes”. That’s the ugly truth that can be taken away from all of this. Even worse yet, is that we might continue to butt heads like that for the foreseeable future. Change isn’t something that happens overnight; it requires effort and persistence. And even if we manage to improve our behavior and reactions towards one another, it’s not guaranteed that everything will be perfect. We can’t agree on _every_ single topic, after all. Nobody can.

“I know and I understand. I wouldn’t be that opposed to it if you weren’t involved with me”, Matt says with a downcast demeanor, his expression turning into a pained one. “Since you came into my life, I’ve been constantly watching out for you. And even when I had already been doing the same with Karen and Foggy, to a certain extent, they were never as involved as you have”. He’s right and I feel the same way. It’s not the same when you only have to truly worry about yourself getting hurt than to also be on the lookout for someone else too. That’s a whole other level of pressure and stress. He would probably sleep better if we never met, but our lives aren’t like that anymore. We are together in this, for better or worse.

“I get it, you want to protect me. And I’ve always felt the same way about you, worrying to death and all that”, I explain quietly, feeling tired of having the same conversation over and over again, but understanding the importance of it. Still, gotta make a point. “But, Matt, I was already getting in trouble before we met for the first time”. All those bullies I fought before I entered the real vigilante world… Those weren’t exactly playground-type of fights. “You found me in an alley getting beaten up by a teenager and his father”. Oh, the good ol’ memories. Remember that one? The beginning of it all. Feels like a lifetime ago; probably was too.

“The stakes might have risen since then, but not meeting you wouldn’t have changed a lot in that aspect; I would still be defending helpless kids these days anyway, maybe even venturing further than that”. I didn’t start just because Daredevil inspired me to do it. My father’s commitment to duty and doing what’s right was an instrumental part as well. “I even dare to say that I might have ended up worse if I never met you and got involved in your dangerous life at all. I could have gotten into worse shit without being properly prepared for it”. Like, for example, I could have easily ended up dead in an alley like the one from that time; beaten to death by some asshole who preyed on the weak.

“Hell, I could be dead by now, just like…my mom”. It still hurts to talk about _her_ , about **that**. But that’s the truth and we both know it, even if we don’t want to admit it. “But you taught me how to defend myself and how to fight. You gave me a home when I had nothing left, and you have been taking care of me all this time”. If it wasn’t for him, despite all the stupid shit that he did in the past, I wouldn’t be sitting here now. He can say all he wants about the psycho and whatever. I’m still alive because of him. “So, even if you are scared that something might happen to me because I walk the same path as you, just remember that at least because of it I’m still here”. And I dare to say that it’s the same for him. Where would he be if I wasn’t here, by his side?

* * *

Recalling what was discussed next is a bit pointless now, and I don’t really remember it that well either. It’s not _that_ important anyway, so don’t mind the gap in the story. Let’s just move on to the next key part, which I believe came to happen like half to an hour after that snippet about our shared worries regarding fighting crime and helping out people. Can’t say for sure how we ended up talking about this other particular matter, but we finally made it to the topic we both had been avoiding for a little while up until then. That was the first time we honestly spoke about the serial killer and my involvement in his death.

* * *

“But you didn’t have to kill him!” Matt yells across the room, growing frustrated and upset as the conversation carries on. I knew we would eventually end up here, talking about **this** , I just didn’t expect it to explode in my face. I figured he would be mad about it, but not so enraged. Disappointment was a given, but it doesn’t seem to be solely aimed at me. Does he feel somewhat responsible for what happened? I’m not talking about me being kidnapped and tortured; I’m referring to killing that motherfucker. You can’t tell me he actually feels _guilty_ about it? He had nothing to do with it. Damn, he was almost knocked out cold when I shot that arrow through the monster’s chest.

“He threatened to expose us, Matt, both you and me! To every last criminal he knew”, I retort, feeling aggravated by the sudden accusation. He has to understand that I had no choice. “We wouldn’t have been safe, none of our friends either. We would’ve had to run away and begin somewhere else anew because even if we managed to fight against every single gangster and crook of the city we would still have to face the law”. I’m not Castle; I’m not Stick. I didn’t want to do it but I had to. You know that; you were there. You understand that it was necessary, right? Please tell me, my friend, that you can see reason. That you aren’t as irrational as he’s being right now. He had time to think this over; he can’t have been thinking the same way all this time.

“He would’ve destroyed our lives, Matty”, I continue (annoying nickname be damned) more heatedly, “and he already did that to plenty of innocent people. I couldn’t let him get away with it, not anymore”. At this point, I’m pacing all over the living room, feeling restless and cornered, somehow. Naturally, I disregard Murdock’s frowning expression, mainly because I can’t tell if it’s a product of my point or the use of the nickname he hates so much. I don’t even know what his problem with it is. It can’t be just Stick, right? Guess I should try to ask him about it sometime. But not now, we have more pressing issues to resolve.

“I didn’t _want_ to kill him, I didn’t **enjoy** it, but I had to do it. It needed to be done. To protect us and the rest of the city”, I almost cry out desperately, hoping that he’ll understand. “With the connections he had, he would’ve been let go sooner than later. I couldn’t take that chance, Matt, I really couldn’t”. I need to make him see that I didn’t do it because I wanted revenge or cause I had some sadistic desire to kill him. I’m not that piece of shit, nor will I ever be. I truly think that there was no other option. If I thought there was, I wouldn’t have done it. You know that, don’t you? I just hope he does as well.

“And I didn’t want to burden you by putting that weight on your shoulders”, I explain more calmly, almost shyly. Not only do I think that he wouldn’t have wanted to nor could he have done it. But I believe that if he _did_ he wouldn't have been able to live with it. “I had already killed someone before, by accident, so what would it be one more person whose death was justified and who deserved to die?” I ask, rhetorically, hoping that he will get my point.

“Someone had to do it, and I’m glad it was me instead of you”. Because it would have destroyed you to do that, Matt. You would have lost a part of yourself that could have led you down a destructive path, and not only dangerous to yourself but every criminal you found in your way. Damn, it could turn dangerous even for the people that you care about, Murdock.

“We could have made a good case, Mackenzie, we had plenty of evidence. We could’ve locked him up for a long time”, he argues, frustrated and not caring about my reasons or explanations. Didn’t he hear what I just fucking said about that not working out? “The public wouldn’t have allowed the justice system to get away with giving him a short sentence by any means”. He really is grasping at straws right now, ‘cause that’s some bullshit argument, to be honest. Only evidence the psycho had was about _other_ criminals (and both of us), not himself. And you can rest assured that I’m telling the truth, because I searched and found **nothing** , just like Daredevil and the police before me. We had no evidence to put him behind bars except what happened that night.

“No, we didn’t!” I know that yelling doesn’t help my case here, but I’m right and we all know it. Only way to get it through his thick skull is by raising my voice over his. “Motherfucker was squeaky clean; all we had was the evidence relating to what he did to me, but no connection to the other murders”, I point out infuriated that he, a _lawyer_ , is really using such useless arguments to try to defend his position about wanting to save that monster. “If it weren’t for my recording, I might have been actually charged with something”. I could have gone to jail for killing just a random sicko who kidnapped and tortured me. It was his confession that revealed him as the serial killer, more than my testification.

“Don’t you get it, Matthew? We would have lost either way”. We could have **died** either way. How can he fail to see that? “Even if his contacts wouldn’t have helped him to get a reduced conviction, he would have snitched on us to everyone in jail the second he stepped inside. Either way, he would’ve _won_ ”. I couldn’t let that happen. I already have to deal with the love of my life going out every night in a costume to fight crime; I can’t have the entire criminal underworld go after Daredevil _**and**_ Matt Murdock.

Hell, if the only one who could have been exposed was me, I would have probably let the bastard live. I would have left to keep Matthew safe, but otherwise, I would have just dealt with it. But it wasn't only my life on the line. And besides, even if it were just me the one outed, even if I left to protect him and the rest, the criminals might still have gone after them just because they were associated with me.

“That wasn’t a lucky coincidence, he **wanted** to ruin our lives”, I tell him as truthfully and seriously as I can. Meanwhile, he keeps staring at me from the other side of the room, with the same disappointed and judgmental expression on his face. God damn it, Matt, can’t you just _understand_? “Actually, he straight-up wanted to torture and murder us, but his plan B in case he didn’t get to do that second part was to tell everyone who cared who we really are and what we have done”. We already went through this, so why do I have to explain it once more? I swear yo God, I’m getting so fucking tired of repeating myself over and over again.

“We were already screwed from the beginning, so there was no other way out of it”, I manage to tell more calmly, stepping closer to where he is still sitting. “Unless you really wanted to run away to Cambodia or someplace like that and keep hiding and running for the rest of your life”, I propose sarcastically, unable to help the sardonic tone of my voice. Does he really think we could have done that? That _he_ could’ve done that? No way in Hell. He loves this city way too much to leave and never return. Eventually, he would have been pulled back and continue to be Daredevil. Is part of who he is; it **is** who he is.

“I don’t want that, for you nor me. I’m tired of running away, Matt”. I ran away from him twice. I ran away from home once. I have been running for most of my life, from or towards something. I don’t care if it would be alongside him, I refuse to run anymore. “And I definitely don’t want to keep looking over my shoulder more than I have to do nowadays, for the rest of my fugitive life”, I confess quietly, feeling the ever-present weight of being an enemy to criminals and cops alike. And yeah, I have come to terms with that, but that’s not the same as being run out of the city and having to hide in some backwater country or the like. I’m staying here until the day I die.

“Look, I’m not justifying my actions, Matt, nor saying that it was the right thing to do”, I readily admit, not only because I hope that it would ease his mind, but because it’s the truth. He has to at least realize that. “I’m just explaining what my reasoning was at the moment and why I considered it something necessary to be done”. I think that if I manage to convince him about it, not everything will be lost. It’s just a matter of getting him to believe I’m being honest, although he should already know that.

“The piece of shit did _all_ of **that** just to get our attention, so he could inflict revenge on us”. From the beginning, it was all just a plan to bait us. All those innocent people that were tragically killed, were used as just fucking bait. “How fucked up is that? We couldn’t let him just walk away”. The amount of damage he would have caused if he was left alive… I don’t even want to think about it. In the end, I’m relieved I was able to put a stop to it before it got worse, even if I had to take his life in order to ensure everyone’s safety.

“Fisk did the same to me several times, people died too, especially some that I cared about”, Matt says with a clipped tone, almost spitting the words through his gritted teeth. I can’t imagine what that must’ve felt like and I would prefer to remain unaware. “But I didn’t kill him, Mackenzie, I put him in jail, where he belongs. Where the killer belonged as well”. His words are almost as harsh as his stare, but none of that is enough to affect me or make me change my mind. I knew he would bring that up, but it’s not a valid argument. Situations weren’t the same, Murdock.

“Did Fisk know you are Daredevil? Did he threaten to expose you and send people after you and all your loved ones?” I ask with an equally biting tone of voice, sounding borderline mocking and derisive. After waiting a few seconds for an answer that I knew wasn’t coming, all I got was silence in response. “That’s what I thought. We were compromised, Matt, _**both**_ of us. There was no other way to stop him”. There was no other way to keep us safe and alive; to make sure that we could continue to fight crime. To maintain the wellbeing of everyone we know.

“We could’ve found one if–” He tries to argue but he knows by now that it’s pointless to do so. Deep in his heart, he has already seen the truth, he’s just refusing to accept it. I get it, but I’m sick of it. No one here is saying that killing is right or even justified, but not everything that has to – **needs** to– be done is always good. It’s just like in warfare, and even that is most of the time avoidable and unnecessary. Yet it still happens all the time, and thousands of people die on the battlefield. How can this be worse than that? At least I killed someone who deserved it.

“I think you already know that that’s bullshit, Murdock”, I cut him off without any niceties. I’m feeling way past done at this point, and I only want to relax and get rid of the headache that it’s forming in my head. “I already told you that I didn’t want to do it and that I didn’t enjoy it. Am I lying about that?” I ask, exasperated and exhausted with this fruitless conversation. We better start to wrap this up ‘cause I don’t know how long I can keep going. I just want him to understand, not to agree with it. I’m not going to turn into that psycho and he knows it by now.

“No”. His reply is short but firm, accompanied by a slight shake of his head, emphasizing the honesty of the answer. Good, at least he can hear the proof that solidifies my sincerity. Hopefully, that will be enough to calm his nerves. Or at least enough to give me a break for a while. I just want to lie down and rest. Feels like we have been arguing for hours now. And maybe we have, but I lost all track of time and not even the amount of sunlight coming from outside is helping. Maybe it’s late afternoon.

“I’m not Elektra, nor Stick, nor Frank. I’m still _me_ ”, I assure him as effusively as I can, even resting a hand over my chest in a dramatic gesture to drive my point home. “I did it because I had to, doesn’t mean I’m gonna do it again”. Let’s be real for a sec here: I have no fucking clue what the future entails, okay? I could end up finding myself in the same position someday, and be faced with the same choice. I don’t know what I’ll do, besides hoping for a better resolution. Still, I can’t just promise that I’ll never kill again, ‘cause I don’t know if I’ll ever need to do it. But I _can_ promise to only resort to it as a last measure, like with my stepfather and the psycho.

“What if something like that happens again? What if someone else finds out about us? What then, will you kill again?” Yeah, that was what I was thinking about. He snatched the words right out of my head. He’s standing up now, body taut and face tense in concentration. Matt surely must be still listening to my heart rate, if he hasn’t already been doing that since the start of this conversation. Sometimes it annoys me, but right now I couldn’t be more grateful to have a human lie detector as a boyfriend.

“I can promise that I will try to look for an alternative, but I can’t swear I’ll forever discard it as a last and extreme resort”, I say honestly, walking even closer to him until I’m standing just a few feet away. “I was scared, Matty; fucking terrified”. By now my voice isn’t as even as it was before. Just the memory of watching him get bested so easily makes my eyes well up.

“You were on the floor, incapacitated, and I was like half-dead already. I just wanted to be over with it”. What went through my head at that moment was that if I didn’t kill that guy, it would never be over. He would be still hunting us for the rest of our lives, and I could bear that thought becoming reality. I was already at my breaking point; if I hadn’t done something to stop him definitely, it would have been it for us.

“I wanted to feel free and safe again, ‘cause at that point, it felt like that wouldn’t be possible anymore”. If I had to equal what I was feeling in that moment to a word, it would be “claustrophobic”. I felt hopeless and powerless. “I wasn’t thinking, I was acting, because I didn’t have time to do anything else”. It could have all ended in a split second. If I had let that asshole get up, it would’ve been the end for us. “At that moment, it was either him or us”. Meaning that if it would’ve been me, then it would’ve been Murdock as well. “Who would have you chosen then if you were put in that same position?” Guess this is the only way I’ll finally make him see everything through my eyes or at least part of it.

“You, always you”, Matt answers in a whisper barely audible, looking down and conflicted. He must be going through an internal fight right now, between wanting to keep me safe and sticking to his moral code. I know how hard that choice can be, cause I had to make it too. But I can honestly say I will choose the same every time. I’ll do almost anything to protect him. I would perhaps only draw the line at taking an innocent’s life, ‘cause I know he would never be able to forgive me then. And, no matter how much I would justify it, I believe I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself either. Still, I’m glad to hear that he would have chosen me instead of the killer. That’s a relief for sure.

* * *

After that intense argument, we ended up calming down and sitting back for a little bit. We knew that without taking a few moments to reflect on what was said, it would be useless to continue that conversation. So, we sat in silence for a while, both consumed by our own thoughts, until at some point during that time I got up from the couch and ended up sitting on Matt’s lap. I felt like a toddler looking to cuddle with one of her parents, and that made me a little self-conscious about it.

But in the end, it was way too comforting to even make me think of moving away due to embarrassment. Murdock didn’t say anything about it either, he just quietly embraced me and caressed my hair. Like that, I was almost lulled to sleep, thanks to the added peaceful atmosphere provided by the rain outside. It was glorious, but I knew it wouldn’t last. ‘Cause after examining my sins, it was time to turn the spotlight towards Murdock’s. Only way the discussion would’ve been fair was to expose both sides and their dirty laundry.

* * *

“Didn’t you like, kill that Nobu guy anyway?” I ask, nonplussed, remembering that important little detail and feeling almost offended. He has the nerve to lecture me about killing someone (a psychopathic serial killer who threatened to expose us if not kill us) when he has done the same before. What a hypocrite. And he doesn’t get to tell me shit about that being accidental or whatever, ‘cause I know that story pretty damn well to be sure that it was on purpose. I’m not saying I’m _better_ than him, but on this, he **isn’t** better than me either. In summary, we are both slightly horrible people for taking lives. (And yeah, I know, I might be a tad worse because I killed two, but one was accidental, so I’m not counting it in this).

“He came back to life”, Matt says in a quiet voice, being painfully evasive with his response. Oh my God, even _he_ knows how much of a shitty answer that is. Can’t he be straightforward and honest with himself just for once? Jesus fucking Christ, what a hypocrite he is. Honestly, man, just own up to your own shit; be brave enough to admit to yourself that you already crossed the line that you swore not to, even if you think you didn't by a technicality (although, being real with you, never thought I would call a fucking resurrection a “technicality”).

“Doesn’t matter, Matt!” I exclaim, exasperated with his dodgy attitude. Nevertheless, it comes out a bit muffled since I’m sitting on his lap and resting my head on his left shoulder. Kinda weird to talk like this, but I ain’t moving an inch; I’m way too comfortable in this position. “He got drenched with some flammable fluid and you purposefully set him on fire; you told me that yourself”. Unless he was lying, which I doubt he was, there’s no way around it. Also, let me point out that it’s been steadily raining for a few hours, and the climate outside feels as mellow as the one in here. It’s almost as if the city was as bummed as we are.

“That right there is murder, and I’m not standing here judging you for it like Imma send you to Hell”, I tell him while sitting up and cupping his face between my hands. He looks at my nose, I think, all worried and ashamed. Oh, my sweet Matty, it’s okay. “You know why? ‘Cause I understand that, otherwise, he _would have_ **killed** you”. And actually, I’m thankful that he did that in the end because I can’t bear the thought of Murdock dying. I mean, at that time I didn’t even know him yet, but still. Thinking about that breaks my heart. So, I’ll rather have him as the killer of an evil and murderous ninja than to not have him at all.

“I… It’s still not right, Mackenzie”. I get it, you know? He’s having a hell of a time trying to accept what he actually did. I mean, shit, he might be even still denying himself the truth. As far as I know, he doesn’t see what he did as murder. To him, it may have been something more like an accidental consequence, or an unfortunate chain of events. He can justify it saying that the fire killed him, but the one aiming for the light above Nobu – _knowing_ that the sparks would light the ninja on fire, was literally **him** , no one else. So just stop lying to yourself and take responsibility, Murdock.

“No one is saying that it is”, I acknowledge, frustrated and at the end of the rope that represents my patience. He’s really trying me today, isn’t he? The hell he’s waiting for? For me to snap so he can lecture me with his accustomed “moral high ground” bullshit? Please, give me a break. Out of the two of us, he’s the one that concerns me more about truly crossing the line and not coming back from it. “Besides, didn’t you also, at one point, want to kill Fisk too?” See? I’m not the only one that “relapses”, after all. And yeah, I know that I’m changing the subject here, but there’s nothing else _I_ can do about the Nobu situation. He will have to do some introspection about that one on his own.

“Yes, but I _didn’t_ ”, he enthusiastically denies, stressing how he was able to pull himself back from it before he went too far. And by contrast, he’s subtly pointing out how I **wasn’t** able to do the same with the killer. Dude, I fucking mentioned, like a minute ago, you told me about killing a man. Are you serious right now? I swear I can’t even with him sometimes. “That was my darkest moment. My darkest side”. We all got a dark side, Matthew, so stop whining and deal with yours first before wanting to judge others about theirs. Not gonna tell him that now, tho.

“It’s not bad to have a dark side, Matt”, I tell him with a soft voice while stroking gently the right side of his face, lightly scratching his stubble from time to time. Right now, it’s better to try and appeal to his empathic side, rather than antagonize him by calling him a murderer. “What’s wrong it’s to let it win”. What’s wrong is to kill someone, either innocent or guilty, just because you enjoy taking a life. That’s a truly dark side if I ever came across one, just like with the serial killer. My dark side is actually lighter compared to that bastard’s.

“You did, when you killed him”, he says quietly, dejectedly, sounding sad and broken. I knew he would say that, and he might be right about it too, but it doesn’t change shit, though. Some dark sides are there to protect us, and subsequently, to protect others, like the people we care about. Mine definitely came out that night to do that. So, is it really that bad? That unforgivable? I know he believes that decision is up to God (or the judicial system), but I don’t believe in any deity –nor in the system–, so I had no consolation for knowing what would have happened if I let the psycho live. At that moment, all I could see in front of me was the Devil (and no, I’m not talking about Matt, you know what I mean with my metaphor).

“I know. Believe me, I _do_ ”, I assure him vehemently, framing his scrunched up face between both of my hands. He still looks so conflicted. “And I’m not proud of it, or happy, but it is what it is”. I can’t change the past, and even if I could, I wouldn’t want to. Because I know that leaving that monster alive would only serve to bring misfortune –to put it kindly– into our lives. “It’s done, there’s nothing I can do about **that** now”. Except trying to move on with my life. That on top of having to deal with the trauma of being tortured for hours and killing someone on purpose.

“But I _**can**_ instead concentrate on what I’ll do moving forward”. I need to focus on getting back in shape so I can continue going on patrol with him. Fighting crime, stopping people like that monster, that’s what will keep me sane and on the right path. All I have to do is try my hardest to not find myself caught between a crossbow and a hard place (haha, get it? Yeah, I know, it’s not funny).

“It is as much of a constant struggle for me as it is for you”. Let’s be honest here, Murdock, we are both battling between wanting to truly stop evil and wanting to do the right thing (as it is not killing and putting everyone through due process). It’s hard, but we have to live with it; a never-ending fight that we can only hope to win every time we face it head-on.

* * *

But that was weeks ago now, and even though our general interactions haven’t been as tense as of lately, there’s still something wedged between us that we haven’t figured out yet. That very same something that has Matthew scurrying away every time I try to get intimate with him. It’s driving me nuts and I can’t stand it anymore. This has to end, now. I swear as soon as he comes back, I’m confronting him about it, and I won’t be deterred at least until I get an answer from him explaining why he hasn’t properly touched me in a month. Girl wants her needs satisfied, ya know? Besides, I hate to have him acting like there’s nothing wrong when he’s somewhat reluctant to get physical with me.

Maybe it’s because he’s afraid of hurting me. Given his enhanced senses, he’s probably way more aware of my healing status than I am, and thus he’s able to tell exactly when I’ll be ready for that kind of activity. Although, he had agreed to help me work out and train as much as I could even if it was just to keep me quiet for a while. Still, that counts as physical activity, so if he just wanted me to shut up, he could have done something sexual and less strenuous as well. Something clearly doesn’t add up here.

It could also be that he thinks I’m not ready for that kind of contact yet, despite me believing so and trying to initiate it multiple times. I don’t see how much different is that from the light sparring we engage in, when related to my torment under the psycho’s “care”. Like, yeah, I get it, I was tortured, don’t need to remind me of it. But, thankfully, I was sexually assaulted as well. Unless he tries to electrocute me with a taser or some shit like that, I think we’ll be alright. As far as I can tell, I see no negative unconscious links between the different experiences. Having sex with Murdock is highly unlikely to trigger something related to the asshole killer. But if that’s not what’s bothering Matt either, then what the hell is it?

I mean, is there really something at all? Or is it just my imagination? Perhaps, at first, it was one of those things or a combination of them, and later it was just bad timing. I don’t know and it’s making me crazy not being able to figure that out. I just wanna get laid and finally feels like the world –my world, at least– has gone back to normal. Is that too much to ask? To have sex with my god damn boyfriend? It’s been more than a month, for fuck’s sake!

I’m done. As soon as Murdock walks through the front door, I’m throwing myself on him, I don’t even care anymore. Fuck getting to the bed, will do it in the hallway if necessary. Ugh, Jesus Christ, I sound like a sex-crazed zombie, what the hell is wrong with me? Could this be abstinence speaking? Can I even feel withdrawal symptoms from lack of sex after five weeks? Or was it six? ‘Cause we weren’t doing it that often either before catching the killer, since we spent most of our time trying to track him down. Whatever, you get my point.

Speaking of which, I might not have enhanced senses like Murdock, but I believe he’s the person walking in the hallway just outside the apartment, just about to open the door and enter… Yup, jackpot. About fucking time, Matthew. You know what this means, right? It’s time to have _the_ talk. All our problems get resolved right here, right now. “Hey, Matt–” I begin to say as soon as I see him walk towards the kitchen, where I’m doing the dishes from breakfast (yeah, I took my time, who are you to judge?). But before I can say anything else, I have an apparently very horny Murdock almost throwing himself at me.

He doesn’t even let me react to his abrupt –but welcomed– entrance, since he immediately starts kissing me. Not even a “hello”? Okay, rude. Not that I mind that much, actually. Feeling completely lost and surprised by his actions, I can do little more than to try and follow his lead. Yet in a few seconds and after a swift movement, I find myself seated on top of the counter, with Matt standing between my spread legs and basically shoving his tongue down my throat. Could he have been reading my mind or something? ‘Cause otherwise, I find no explanations for his change in behavior. He hasn’t done anything like this in over a month! What the fuck is going on now?

I mean, I’m glad and beyond ecstatic that he appears to have recovered his senses (kind of), but at the same time, I’m a little confused. This seems to come out of nowhere, frankly. Well, I guess it doesn’t matter as long as we both get what we want, right? Still, I could really use a moment just to **breathe**. “I told you I would make it up to you”, Matt says with a low and rough voice, panting heavily and with his glasses slightly askew on top of his nose. How can someone look so utterly handsome, sexy, and dorky at the same time? Completely beats me, but now’s not the time to dwell on things like that. I have an eager and hot man to shag.

“Took you long enough, old man”, I retort playfully, lightly biting and tugging on his lower lip. He smiles wickedly as soon as I release his lip, and the “old man” part of my comment earns me a sharp slap to the left butt cheek. Feels so good to go back to normal. “So, whatcha waiting for? Take me to bed”, I urge him after seeing him stall while caressing my sides with both of his hands and looking at my face? The hell is he up to now? He looks like he’s considering something. Please don’t tell me he’s going to back down from this. If he does, I swear to God I’ll–

Before I can even finish my thought, his lips are back on mine, kissing hungrily, almost desperately. Is he trying to distract me from something? Welp, it doesn’t matter as long as he doesn’t stop altogether. And even if he wants to take his time, not really in the mood for a quicky (or thinking that I deserve more than that), I’m fine with it as long as we end up fucking eventually –meaning today–. Although, perhaps he’s not as interested in delaying things as I initially suspected, ‘cause he’s already taking his clothes off. Okay, I see where this is going and I’m totally on board. “Oh, so we’re feeling a little adventurous today, aren’t we?” I mean, taking into account that he’s already stripped to his white, crisp shirt (blazer and tie scattered on the floor behind him). Guess I can now cross “sex in the kitchen” out of my bucket list.

“You could say so. Something like that”, replies Matt breathlessly while unbuttoning his shirt. Oh my, someone is a little more excited than me, after all. Great, just what I wanted (and no, I’m not being sarcastic, I mean it). With Murdock’s shirt being discarded on the floor next to the other items of clothing, I’m left to explore his upper-body skin to my heart’s content. Naturally, I waste no time in raking my short fingernails down his back, eliciting a very satisfying moan from him. Ah, the perks of having a boyfriend with such a sensitive body.

“Good, ‘cause I love getting adventurous with you”, I say in the most suggestive tone of voice I can muster, while playing with the short hairs at the nape of his neck. Because of that, Murdock looks awfully interested in what I have to say. “Like that time at the theater bathroom”, I reminisce quietly, taking off his glasses and looking dreamily into his sightless eyes. So gorgeous. He, in turn, dips both thumbs under the waistline of my sweatpants. “I wouldn’t mind repeating something like that one day”. I can’t believe I developed a voyeuristic kink because of him. Honestly, how perverted can I get?

“Really?” Matt asks, interested in finding out what kind of fantasies and ideas I have to be more adventurous together. Guess I have no other choice than to tell him; wouldn’t want to disappoint him now, do I? “And do you have a place in mind for that then?” His tone of voice is so sultry it sends shivers down my spine and makes me feel all tingly inside. I really hope he’s up to indulge me in all my kinky activities. He has done it so far anyway. Where’s the harm in continuing, right? We are both a bit of adrenaline junkies by now, so it shouldn’t be surprising that we look forward to keeping our sex lives interesting.

“Oh, babe, I got plenty of ideas”, I coo with the most decadent voice I can manage, trying to lure him in as much as possible. At this point, our bodies are practically pressed against each other and our breaths are mingling given the proximity of our mouths. I feel so tempted to kiss him, but we still have some talk to do before we can get down to business. “But I think most of them you wouldn’t approve of”. Not gonna lie, sometimes I think of shit that sounds a little bit too much fucked up even for me. Still, I’m going to say it like it is. No point in hiding the truth, even less in lying to him. Better be open about it.

“Why’s that?” Oh, my sweet, innocent summer child. He might like to indulge me and my naughty side, but he’s still a choirboy. Best to break him in now and be honest about all my dirty thoughts. Who knows? He might actually be into some of those ideas. Well, maybe not today, but you can never tell what tomorrow will bring. I mean, he might be Catholic and all, yet he runs around in a Devil costume and has no qualms with spanking me for both of our pleasures. If that doesn’t say he’s open-minded, I don’t know what does. Speaking of religion, though…

“Well, for example, I would like to try the confessional booth at the church, but you are such a devout Catholic that no matter how much I corrupt you, you’ll never agree to it”. That would be a fucking glorious scenario, but it would be too much for poor Matty. Besides, we would have to sneak in at night to minimize the possibilities of being caught in the act.

Wouldn’t want Father Lanthom to walk in on us fucking in the confessional. I already have enough with Murdock’s lectures, don’t need a priest’s as well. Also, the mortification Matt would suffer wouldn’t be worth it. Not to mention that he won’t agree to it anyway since he would be against tainting holy ground or whatever. Still, it turns me on so fucking much to just _think_ about it. Damn, I’m such a perv.

“Can’t say you’re wrong about that”, he admits with an apologetic smirk. “I’m not keen on desecrating sacred ground such as that of the church”. He says that, but does he really mean it? ‘Cause one of his hands just went down my pants to squeeze my butt while the other went up under my shirt to fondle my breasts. Sly little devil he is, speaking of respecting the Church while committing such lewd acts in his kitchen. Maybe he isn’t even telling the truth, despite how honest he sounds, and a part of him he tries to repress wants to go through with it. Nevertheless, I think his conscience won’t let him go that far anyway.

“Figured”, I say a bit disappointed but still feeling optimistic about my odds of having at least one of my most scandalous fantasies come to reality. And to not be left behind in this “touching while talking” exchange of ours, I begin to slide my hands down Murdock’s bare chest, aiming for his belt as my final destination. “Another place would be the office, but on one side, I already tried and failed, and on the other, it’s a bit of a cliché anyway”. Also, I’m sure he’ll turn down that one as well. Something related to people walking in or noticing somehow. Although, now that I think about it, he might be right. Given the rats that still are in that building, it wouldn’t be the most hygienic place to have sex in. Worth mentioning, though.

“Also, the possibility of being discovered by strangers is one thing”, comments Matt nonchalantly while twisting one of my nipples between his fingers, making me whine and moan. Damn it, Murdock, you can’t do that while you talk as if nothing is happening. So unfair. “But being caught by friends, acquaintances or _clients_ … Yeah, I’m not too inclined to do that either”. I feel you, Matthew, in more than one sense given what you are doing to me and how that’s affecting you. Already turned on much? I better remedy that fast. All I gotta do is get his slacks open.

“Same”. That’s all I can manage to say while trying to collect my thoughts between panting in pleasure and attempting to unbuckle his belt. “Another usual place, well, more like a situation, is during patrol”. Well, at least I can still speak despite this tortuous treatment. Fuck, Murdock, just make me yours already, don’t need to drag this out, right? Wait, what was I talking about?

“Like, doing it in a dingy alley or a warehouse. Downside is that it would invite danger in”. That used to be a recurrent fantasy of mine during the times I was working undercover. It went in hand with the idea of engaging in relatively amicable “hate sex”, given where we stood at that time. It’s fucked up, I know, but the thought of Matt suddenly appearing and crashing one of my attempts to get laid to then angrily fucking me out of jealousy, really turned me on. Yeah, maybe I’ll just keep that to myself; at least for now.

“Without even mentioning that we have to do more important things than _that_ ”, he adds while tugging my shirt upwards, trying to get it off of me. I help him get it over my head and he throws it to the side as if it were a dirty rag. He’s so hot when he acts like this. “Why those places or ‘situations’ in particular?” He questions curiously yet not put off by it. That’s a relief for sure.

Even if he says “no” to all of my suggestions, at least I can rest assured that he doesn’t find them disgusting. “They **are** dangerous, as you said. It’s not the same as just being found out by some random person”, he points out, raising his brows before lowering them. “You’re not missing your time while undercover, right?” Well, well, well, is he worried that I’ll go looking for other dick? No need to worry, babe, no one can give me what you do. You’re the only one for me.

“Not at all, so put away that jealousy of yours, darling”. I mean, it’s sweet and endearing that he worries like that, but so unnecessary. I ain’t going anywhere, Murdock. You’re stuck with me. “It’s just that I tend to get turned on when we fight…”, I start to explain but my comment sounds somewhat inaccurate. Oh, I know what’s the mistake. “Wait, no, scratch that. I get turned on when _ **you**_ fight. It’s so hot to watch you like that”. I could watch him kick ass all day and night, as long as he doesn’t get hurt while doing it. The way he moves, how he reacts to his surroundings, how he anticipates his enemy’s movements. It’s all fucking sexy.

“Seriously? You like to watch me beat the crap out of criminals? Why?” He sounds incredulous and I don’t blame him. If someone were to tell me something like that, even if they were my significant other, I would be skeptical too. However, he must know I’m telling the truth. And the tiny, confused smile plastered on his lips tells me that he’s weirded out by my confession but not disturbed by it. Good, that means there’s still hope for my wicked thoughts. Maybe, if I’m lucky, we’ll end up doing it somewhere dark and deserted during a slow night of patrolling.

“‘Cause you look so powerful and in control, albeit a little menacing, but I think that’s part of the charm too”. I never thought I would be revealing this to him, but well, here we are. “I don’t know, I just find it attractive, the way you move so fluidly, how you sense things around you and use it to your advantage”. It’s truly mesmerizing to watch him at work, moving swiftly and silently in the shadows while hunting down criminals. “And don’t even get me started on the times when you help me. I swear I would have jumped you every time if I could”. That might be my biggest turn on regarding Murdock, actually. I’m just now realizing that.

“You got it that bad, huh?” He asks, with a cheeky smile, feeling all cocky and smug. What a lovable dumbass he is; so cute and handsome. “I mean, I don’t see it that way, and I’m not sure I understand it, but I won’t judge either way”. He sounds accepting, even if a tad uncertain. That’s okay, taking in someone else’s fucked up fetishes can be a lot to digest. “Any particular moment you can recall?” Oh, so he’s really interested then. Awesome, just what I wanted. If you wish, Matt, I’ll tell you _**all**_ about it. Although, his hands running up and down my back –eliciting goosebumps– while his hard-on presses against my damp pussy are making it a difficult task to keep talking.

“Lemme think”, I say to win some time to gather my thoughts. Meanwhile, I pop open the button and drag down the fly of his trousers so I can palm his rock solid dick through his boxers. Someone is really enjoying himself. “There was one time, during one of my first nights back when I started to go on patrol with you, before I got my suit”. I remember that occasion crystal clear and I sometimes imagine it having a different ending.

“It was the same night that Stick showed up, too”, I add ruefully, not wanting to ruin the mood but needing to clarify in case he doesn’t pinpoint the specific night. We went patrolling and raiding warehouses countless times. “I was being chased by these two guys and you got them off my back. I didn’t see the first, but I did see the last”. Although I first saw _him_. Jesus fuck this is too much, the memories and the stimulus provided by him. I’m going crazy.

“I remember running among all those shelves almost straight into you”, I continue retelling while enjoying his gentle yet purposeful touch all over my body. He really is trying to drive me crazy and break down, isn’t he? The man only wants to distract me, how rude. “You were standing there, looking so pissed, ‘staring’ at the man behind me”. Well, yeah, of course I couldn’t actually see his expression at the moment, given how dark it was and that only half of his face was visible.

But I didn’t need to _see_ it in order to **interpret** it. Daredevil was mad as hell (pun intended). “You were bleeding from the stab wound but you seemed almost unaffected, dead set on kicking that asshole’s butt”. And he did, and I had to patch him up afterward. I could’ve handled the goon on my own, but Murdock looked too sexy to be stopped.

“Oh, and more recently there was this thing that happened at the psycho’s place”. I know I’m treading on thin ice when speaking about this subject, but I gotta be honest here. I don’t want to ruin the mood, so I better compensate my words with my actions. “The way you pushed me out of the arrow’s way, _so_ **hot** ”. I emphasize the last part with a firm squeeze of his throbbing cock, enjoying the view provided by the pleasured Matthew in front of me. Head threw back, lips parted, and hands tightening their respective holds of my ass and tits. Feels so nice to have such control over someone (when they are enjoying it, of course).

“Wait, so you’re saying that, at that time, you were turned on by me protecting you?” His question comes a second after he regains his bearings and I ease my grip on his manhood. He sounds even more confused than before, which is hilarious (but he has stopped fondling me, which is not). With a little whine, he gets the hint and resumes his attentive care. Good boy. I give you pleasure, you return the favor, Matt. That’s why we work so well together.

“My father was killed when I was little and afterward I grew up with an abusive stepfather”, I point out in a deadpan manner, stating the obvious. In the meantime, I lift my right hand back to his left shoulder before I roll my hips and drag my pussy against his hard dick. The sound he makes, in consequence, is plainly delicious. “Does it really surprise you that I find the feeling of safety such a turn on?” I ask with a smile, amused by his surprise. He’s so cute when he’s clueless. It’s basic psychology, Murdock. “To me, at least, it makes sense”. Besides, it’s not like he doesn’t have some daddy issues of his own as well. Let’s not forget about that.

“You don’t really see me as a father figure, do you?” Welp, now he just sounds plain worried and maybe even a tad horrified. Jesus Christ, Murdock, seriously? You can’t be asking that, no matter what I just said. And naturally, after that question left his lips, all movements were stopped immediately from both parties. I could either answer straightforwardly with the truth, or I could have some fun while testing the waters. Might not be surprising after all that there aren’t many kinks and fetishes I’m not at least willing to try.

“Why? You want me to call you ‘daddy’?” I ask seductively but in jest, dragging my right index finger from his left shoulder to his right, above his collar bone. Matt instantly tenses up, although I’m not sure if it’s because of my words or my touch. I swear to God, if he says “yes”, I’m gonna lose it right here and right now. Honestly, I don’t know what I would do if he agreed. I’m not sure I’m ready for that kind of commitment. Although, I might not have to, ‘cause he’s awfully silent and rigid. Almost seems like he’s about to completely dodge my playful question…

“Bolts”, Matt utters all of a sudden and completely changes the subject in a direction unbeknownst to me. The fuck is he talking about now? Bolts? What the hell does that mean? I was content with a plain “no”, and I might have accepted a “yes”, but this doesn’t even make sense. And the fact that he has his eyes plastered to a point above my head isn’t helping either. Could my joke have disturbed him so deeply that it didn’t only ruin the mood but making him go utterly insane? Okay, fine, I’m exaggerating a bit, but you have to recognize that his answer is strange as fuck.

“What?” I question, absolutely confused and trying to find any correlation to any of the things we have been talking about since he came back. Honestly, I can’t find one; and I prefer to not think of me as stupid. Still, it’s plainly obvious that he wanted to switch topics, but did he really need to start a completely unrelated conversation. Who’s the one killing the mood now, Murdock? Whatever, I wouldn’t mind as much if we could at least continue our foreplay.

“The projectiles used for crossbows are called bolts, not arrows”, he replies matter-of-factly, refocusing his gaze on my dumbfounded expression. You know what? I don’t even know anymore what the heck is happening, nor will I pretend that I do. Also, did he really just correct me as a way of escaping an embarrassing conversation? Seriously? Not even the biggest weapons buff would choose that ridiculous option as a shift in tone. I am simply dumbstruck by his mental gymnastics. Still, since he laid the bait, I’m gonna bite and find out more about this little nugget of information. You give, Matthew, and I take.

“How the hell do _you_ know that?” Like, for real, how does he even know something like that? And he can’t tell me some bullshit about Stick training him in the use of crossbows ‘cause that’s absurd. That old man was all about swords and, well, sticks. Oh, and _actual_ bows and **arrows** ; so he doesn’t strike me as the crossbow type. He doesn’t even use any kind of guns, as far as I know. Murdock must know that bizarre piece of info from someone or something else, probably from vigilante experience. Now _**that’s**_ a story I wanna know about. Although, I think it could wait until after we’re done fucking.

“It’s a long story”, Matt answers with an apologetic smile that tells me all about his misdirecting intentions. Oh no, you don’t walk away so easily from this one, Matthew. You are going to tell me about that story, if not right now then you’ll do it later. I’m not letting myself stay out of this one. I thought we shared everything, after all, and that sounds like a hell of a story. Damn, you should actually tell it when we get into bed later tonight. That way I’ll be lulled to sleep with some fun story about a vigilante pseudo-ninja dodging crossbows’ _bolts_. Wouldn’t that be delightful?

“Don’t give me that bullcrap now. Spill the beans, Murdock”, I demand, not being faced by his attempt to dismiss my curiosity. I’m not dropping this, so he better– Before I can say or _think_ anything else, Matt’s plush lips are on mine, his mouth trying to devour mine. And I said I wasn’t going to be deterred so easily… There goes my interest in finding out the mysterious story behind Murdock’s knowledge of appropriate nomenclature for crossbows’ projectiles.

In the end, I just let the issue drop for now and concentrate instead on fighting Murdock’s tongue with my own. Seems like it’s finally gonna happen, ‘cause he’s sure eager as hell to get me naked. Well, two can play the same game. While his hands nudge my ass off the counter, so he can pull my pants and underwear down my thighs, I do the same with his clothing, pushing down until his dick springs free. Of course, amidst all of that, we barely part from each other, keeping our lips locked as much as possible. It’s a battle neither wants to lose. However, one of us will have to break apart, otherwise, we won’t be able to carry on with this show.

“You know I was joking, right?” I ask as soon as we stop to take a much-needed breath. We are both gasping for air, our lips looking swollen and red. “I might have some daddy issues, but I’m definitely not gonna call you _that_ , even if you ask me to”, I explain while lazily stroking Murdock’s hard-on. If he doesn’t shove it in me in the next five seconds, I’m going to scream. “That’s just weird”. I’ll admit my interest was momentarily picked by the depravity of that prospect, but the more I think about it, the worse it sounds.

“Thank God”, comes Matt’s ~~blasphemous~~ exhale of relief. He seems barely capable of grasping reality at this point, on the verge of being too far gone into his own pleasure. None of that now, Matt, you stay with me until I’m ready to come as well. “You were scaring me there for a second”. Oh really? Was I? I mean, I get it. But it still sounds mildly insulting, to be honest. If it weren’t because I’m horny as hell, I would surely drop his dick. Don’t misunderstand me; I wouldn’t walk away and leave him all needy like this, I’ll just make him think it’ll be over before starting to tease him and torture him further. I’m getting fucked right now, no matter what.

“Okay, alright, no need to call me gross, Murdock”. I’m sorry, it’s just impossible to resist the impulse –almost urge– to fuck with him. And can you honestly say that he doesn’t bring it on himself sometimes? Being so clueless, it’s just too easy; would be a waste to pass up such an opportunity, don’t cha think? Honestly, though, this conversation has had so many turns and changes that I barely recall how it started. And what we were supposed to do from the beginning was to just have sex. How did we end up like this? It’s ridiculous.

“What? I wasn’t! I didn’t–” Murdock tries to explain himself and rectify his “mistake”. Damn, I should probably stop taking advantage of his innocent side. Don’t need to play with him psychologically; I’ll rather do that but with the physical part of him. That’s more fun anyway. Alright, time to take pity on my babe and have some mercy on this poor man. I mean, _he_ made me wait more than a month now to have sex. So, do **I** really need as well to make myself wait any longer? Yeah, I don’t think so. I deserve a nice dicking down.

“Just shut up, I’m messing with you again”, I finally say, using a loving and teasing tone. “You’re so gullible sometimes. Anyway, where were we? Oh, yeah…” Without further ado, I grab his dick with one hand while resting my other one on the small of his back. Slowly but surely, I pull Murdock towards me and he comes all too willingly. Since his cock is aligned with my pussy, it’s soon sinking inside me. The sighs he lets out is a combination of both, relief and pleasure. He must be glad that not only we finally get to fuck, but also that he didn’t screw up after his comment about being scared.

The chit chat is over for the moment, leaving us to enjoy ourselves and each other. It felt like an eternity since I was last connected to Matt this way. The bastard almost kept me at arm’s length for up to five weeks. It was time that he gave in and succumbed to his desires. And now, all there’s left to do is reach a well-deserved orgasm. From the looks and feels of it, that goal isn’t far away. Given Murdock’s powerful and enthusiastic thrusts, that come in fast and strong –and reach deeper with every new one–, I don’t give us more than a couple of minutes before we are just a panting mess of tangled limbs and mixed bodily fluids.

It’ll be annoying to clean up, but it’s totally worth it. Besides, no matter how quick we finish right now, Matt isn’t going anywhere until nightfall, and it’s still only noon. You know what that means, right? Simply put, I’m not letting him leave my side until he truly makes it up to me. Not only for this morning but for this whole month that passed. I would be lying if I said my need for pleasure hasn’t gathered interest. So, farewell, for now, my friend. I’ll be busy for a while with my boyfriend; and this time, for what I have in mind, I’ll need a lil’ privacy. See ya next one.

**Author's Note:**

> As I stated already multiple times, this is just me not wanting to part with the characters but not wanting to commit to another long fanfic as well. Also, as opposite to Daring the Devil, these short pieces are supposed to be more lighthearted and fun than their predecessor. As always, thanks for reading.


End file.
